Re the clunkiness of the site — we’re aware of that too. We’ve had daily discussions about redoing the site a third time, because it’s outgrown the current template and is clunky to navigate. We didn’t expect this reponse to it — and it’s just plain difficult to find our place and get around on it. THE SOLUTION WILL SOON BE HERE — I PROMISE. I have a lifetime commitment to this site, but I’ve learned that websites are like people, we’re a work in progress and although we don’t advertise it, we’re always under construction.

Re the content of your post — Amen. No human desire or ache runs deeper than that for a loving family. Many of us will take an unloving one, instead of having none at all — that’s how primal the need. As to going baack to that “moment in time before” — for me, I don’t believe it’s possible. Besides, to do that would invalidate everything we’ve been through and felt — that “process” they call grief, but in reality is so much more. Did you read my post were I mentioned that the AMA, including Mayo Clinic, have validated the condition called a “Broken Heart.” It’s about time, as it’s been around as long as women (and men’s) tears.

Our losses are so big — and this is only my opionion, that it’s important to find a way to make them count, or “let making them count” happen. I’m glad you’re here — but not happy you need to be. Thanks again for reporting the ads — believe me, they’re not ours. The spammers are so determined to get in now that they hire people to register on sites like this, wait for the validation email, and then register. We have a list of ip addresses thThat’s at we won’t let in, but the list keeps growing longer. That’s probably TMI (too much info) — but I apologize for the spammers and please be patient with us while we attempt to keep up with the site’s growth and find a new template and program that will be much easier to navigate. We’re working on it, and it’s extremely high on our priority list. But, we want to make sure we’ve found the best format possible before moving everything again.

Thanks for participating — and for the depth of your comments. Best, Melody Beattie

I have read the introduction above to your book “The Grief Club” and although I did not bring myself to tears this morning during my Miracle exercise, your words did. You said exactly what I’ve been feeling and saying for years now: that all I wanted was a family – a husband and children. I figure I must’ve neglected to specify what type of husband on my order form. But no one else, it seems, has been able to understand those feelings of mine, until I read them exactly as I have felt them: that my husband is the one with the problem, but I’m the one who is in counseling, and trying to get help for myself. I am the one in anguish, who aches, while he stays medicated beyond all feeling.

You write: “The book is about getting through the time that starts when something happens that turns our world upside down and we lose our old normal, until the new normal begins.” I feel like I want to go back to being the person I was 23 years ago, prior to meeting my husband, and move forward from there. I don’t know if I’ll be able to find her again, or not. If not, I think I’ll have a really hard time not feeling like damaged goods for a long time.

But here’s to moving forward in a positive direction, one step, even a baby step, at a time.

Best, Melody Beattie

Thank you for you gentle guidance.
Patti

You and I, we share the, “have had way to many deaths to deal with,” problem.

My mother hanged herself and left a note subsequently blaming my sister and I for the suicide. My brother, too, had an accidental overdose. Two close friends in high school passed as well. Well, one passed. The other, attempting to hang himself, was found and taken down before he died. His brain lost too much oxygen, since that recovery he isn’t certain who anyone is- he’d forgotten his friends.

It was Melody’s books that helped me at first. Then it was the work of Byron Katie that helped me tackle my real demons through my projected demons.

Through Melody’s and Katie’s work I feel like I’ve become the man I hoped to be. My life, with my mother and father, until I turned 19 and moved to New Orleans, was a life of severe abuse. Abuse that lasted, still. My father induced some pretty rough damage to my spine when I was about 15 years old; he broke my collar bone which, then, healed incorrectly resulted in a shoulder out of place furthermore resulting in pulling my spine to the right and, eventually, spawning degenerative disc disease. I have 7 herniated/bulging discs in my spine because of my father.

And I still have severe grief due to the loss of my mother and, also, the loss of a secure childhood.

And I love them both. Still. And my father is alive, we have breakfast weekly. It’s been 15 years since the incident and we are still patching up our feelings towards each other.

I don’t know why I am rambling here- I just relate and needed to vent some. And in discussing Melody’s work with a friend online I found this site and thought, “this, this is a safe forum to talk in.”

Best, Melody Beattie