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CODE OF CONDUCT

Respect.  Courtesy.  Kindness.  No obscenities.  No spam, advertising yourself or your products --no solicitations -- is allowed. This is a site for people who are hurting.  The Code of Conduct for the public side of this site isn’t much different than the conduct expected for the Members Only section.  But there are differences.   Please review the following Code governing behavior for using this site, because by using this site you’re agreeing to abide by these rules.  This site will be monitored closely but other than commenting, asking questions, and giving opinions on my blog, Living in the Mystery, posting is possible only for registered members.

 

  1. Please keep cross-talk (telling people what to do, giving advice and opinions when not requested) minimal other than offering words of encouragement, strength, and hope.  If asked, you're free to respond.
  2. You don’t know how other people feel even if you’ve had a similar experience.  Don’t assume – ask,
  3. Feel free to start a forum or group based on your particular loss.  We need you to take an active interest in this site and participate to keep it going.  While I will be on here a lot, this site's primary purpose is to provide a safe place for people in grief.  While you will find affiliates, books, music, comfort quilts, and a few other products for sales, the site is a not-for-profit one and proceeds will be used to help defray expenses. That means I need to also earn a living, too -- besides participating in this site.  It also means it's up to you, if you want this site to continue, to help keep it alive and growing. Take the initiative by starting, engaging in, and participating in forums, chat rooms, and groups.  Give and receive support.  The group needs the wisdom of those further down the path and the presence of newcomers alike, because that's the magic combination that brings groups to life and causes them to become a force for healing and empowerment.  It's what makes groups work.  It will be exciting to watch this concept come alive.
  4. Respect other people’s privacy.  Please DO NOT USE YOUR REAL NAME for your user name.  You might feel like you don’t care if the entire world knows about what you’re going through.  You may prefer it.  But later on, you might care and regret over-exposure of your most intimate thoughts and feelings.  Like they say in some recovery meetings, “Let what you read here, stay here.  Here!  Here!  Respect your own and other people’s anonymity and confidentiality.
  5. Some losses include pain you believe was created by other people.  You do not have the right to invade their privacy by using real names and writing about them, especially if it casts them in a negative light. We want you to journal and post about your emotions and experiences.  But don't use other people's real names or discuss them in a way that others can identify who you're talking about. Even if you’re going to make a positive tribute to a child, for instance, either have it be your own child or get the child’s parents’ permission first.  If people see anything posted here about themselves that they didn't post (or about their child) and they're uncomfortable with it, just email support inside using your own mail box, and we'll take the post or picture down.  Respect other people's privacy and respect your own.
  6. The law doesn’t allow us to make negative comments about others or discuss publicly (and Members Only is public) personal details of their lives or experiences that cast them in a negative light.  The rule of thumb is that the pubic cannot be able to identify this person.  We will review your posts and if we feel that any posts invade people’s privacy, we’ll remove them even if we're not contacted.  Please don’t take offense.  We’re saving you and ourselves from a lot of unnecessary problems.  Following the Golden Rule is a guiding ideal:  Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
  7. Don’t tell others that they’re grieving wrong or incorrectly, and then tell them to do it like you.  Grief is an individual experience. What’s right for you may not work for someone else.  We’ll each find our way through.  Trust and believe in other people.  Life will guide them through a unique maze of experiences that help them discover what they need to heal.  You can talk in “I or “me” terms, such as this is what I did and it helped or this worked for me.   Rescuing doesn’t help. And please don’t disguise spam or advertising as “helpful comments.”  You’ll lose your membership here for a while.
  8. Avoid the “My pain is bigger and worse than yours” game.  Grief isn’t a competition. 
  9. Don’t let the Code of Conduct prevent you from getting what you need or sharing with others.  If you’re sincere about your motives for being here, if you restrain your codependency and avoid trying to change or save others, showing respect for each person by using unconditional love, your behavior will be within the realms of appropriate conduct.
  10. You agree – by your use of this site – that this is not professional therapy and Melody Beattie isn’t here in the role of professional counselor, psychiatrist, psychologist, or therapist. She's a writer.  This site is friend to friend.  You also agree not to sue this site or Melody Beattie for any decisions you make based on information you gain from this site.  By using this site, you agree to hold MelodyBeattie.net, Melody Beattie herself, and Melody & Company Inc. harmless and indemnify them from any damages you claim were incurred as a result of using the site, except in situations where governing laws disagree and prevail.
  11. The most important Rules of all – and breaking these will not be tolerated – is that you agree not to put yourself in harm’s way or do harm to another being.  You will not threaten to or actually do either one. You will not intimidate anyone, including yourself.   While grieving people often suffer from suicidal ideation (they may wish they were dead and didn’t have to go through this or wish they weren't alive), posting that you’re going to bring harm to yourself or do harm to another is not allowed.  If you go that deeply into your grief, you need to seek immediate professional help by calling 911 to guide you through this. You also agree to provide a working phone number or way that Melody can reach you should she become concerned about your well-being or health, and request this from you via the email address you provided at registration.  You also agree to provide an emergency contact person's name and phone number, should Melody Beattie ask for that.  This agreement will never under any conditions be abused or used to contact you to solicit or sell.  Please, don’t threaten to cause harm to yourself hoping that if you do, Melody will call you and can talk to her yourself.   That will be grounds for being denied admission to this site.  If suicidal ideation (which is normal) becomes that strong, prominent, and uncontrollable, you need more and more immediate help than you can get from The Grief Club site at http://www.MelodyBeattie.net.  Please do the kind thing and get professional help for yourself.
  12. Although the book The Grief Club – thanks to Hazelden’s generosity – will be published, we are only allowed to publish one chapter at a time.  The chapters will be published on a revolving basis, but we cannot allow downloading and we cannot archive them for your reading either. 

 

Please respect these rules.  They aren’t suggestions.  They’re in place not to control you or make you life more painful than it is, but we need everyone to follow laws and play nice to ensure that this site continues to be a safe place to come for people who hurt or those who care about them.  Thank you in advance for your cooperation.  If you have any questions contact support at your mailbox inside. By using this site--the public or Members Only section (although supplying your email address and agreeing to provide contact phone numbers only applies to members) -- you agree to all the foregoing.  If you don't agree, please immediately leave this site.